Patience has never been a strength of mine. Since I was little, I’ve tried to find out what my presents were before the holidays happened. I get tired of waiting on people when I’m ready to go somewhere or be done with something. My least favorite time of year is the holiday season; I love the joy and the giving spirit, but the lack of control that I have and the need I feel to please everyone stresses me out. The logistics and the schedule complicate things, and I hate things that are complicated. I want easy. I want stress-free. I want to let go of the things that cause anxiety on my part (and in my heart). I’m the mother of four school-aged children, so things are naturally complicated, but I’ve learned to let go of certain “perfections.”
- The wardrobe. I don’t fight about it anymore. My youngest went to his preschool open house a couple of weeks ago, and then he had a week at home before preschool actually started. For four of those seven days, he wore the shirt he had on when he met his teacher. He didn’t take it off at all. Now that he’s going to school every day, I do insist that he wears clean clothes, but I don’t fight with him when he demands that he wear his socks upside down. His big sister wore mismatched Christmas socks with a skirt to her second day of kindergarten last year, and every striped article of clothing she owned to a birthday party. I see it as an outward show of independence that isn’t hurting me. In fact, without those battles that I’ve chosen not to fight, getting ready to leave the house is much, much more pleasant (and honestly, entertaining).
- The Betty Homemaker Persona. I do not get paid to feed my family. On the contrary, it’s really quite expensive to feed the six of us. If I did, I’d be happy to make every member of the household a meal to satisfy their daily whims. Since I don’t, I make one main meal and they eat it or they don’t. They get a choice of sides most of the time, and they have to choose one. I also don’t make everything from scratch. I try my best to decorate cupcakes so they make the birthday child happy, but I probably made them out of a box. My best is good enough for me and my family, even if it’s not good enough for Pinterest.
- The perfect family photo. I take a ridiculous number of pictures of all of my kids together. There are four of them, remember, two of whom have very strong personalities and opinions. The “job” I’ve given myself as a blogger-mom, is to create memories and capture them. So what if I try to take a picture of four kids and only two are smiling? That’s a memory. That’s real life. They’re cute whether they’re happy about getting their picture taken or not, so if I have to take a candid shot to get all four of them together or if I have to settle for two happy faces and two grumpy ones, so be it. At least I have a picture to look at later.
What standards of perfection have you let go of?
I am still working on that one. 🙂
I no longer expect my 11 yr old to pick up her room. It's a battle that I just can't have every day. I also let go of sorting toys into the right bins in the playroom. I also look the other way when someone helps with the dishes.
Love the family photo! I try to do this too.
THis is great– "My best is good enough for me and my family, even if it’s not good enough for Pinterest." Love it. I am trying to let go of body image stuff…not that it was ever perfect, but I'm trying to get used to and appreciate a newer curvier me. 🙂
I let the entire concept of "perfection" go! Haha
and it is freeing, not because you don't care; but because you tend to refocus and care about the right things!
and it doesn't mean you are giving up, but that you are giving in to something deeper; since I think Perfection is rather an illusion. Like you say and is shown in that beautiful picture of your kids: real life unfolds in imperfect ways. And there is beauty in that if we choose to notice it.
I'm with you on the wardrobe and take it to the extreme by including not just my kids in the mix of not caring what they choose to wear and when and how but also myself. I do not care. It makes life so much easier not to worry about whether or not I'm fashionable or have the right shoes, belt, bag, necklace for an occasion. (Mind you, I don't go many places so it's not as hard as one might think to let go of that).
When I see people buying new outfits/shoes for every life event (for themselves or their kids or husbands or whatever) I can't help but be grateful I didn't inherit that gene. The one that says other people might care. If they do, oh well. Their problem. But I'd be willing to bet they're more concerned with what they've got on than my ten-year-old boots anyway.
This saves me a ton of time and money and stress. I have clothes, of course. But almost everything I own is old and/or a hand me down. I think nothing of wearing the exact same outfit over and over and over. (Clean, usually. But not always.)
When I was teaching, I did have to be professional but I still rotated outfits pretty close together. And for the six years since I left work for a writing career out of my home, I've completely stopped shopping. To me, it's bliss. I know for many who love to shop it would be a major sacrifice. So I consider myself lucky indeed.
See also: I don't do my nails or hair or belong to a gym. I keep things as simple possible in my life and rarely leave the house – ha!
As for you, my dear Greta, you have four amazing, beautiful, smart, imperfect kids. I think they will appreciate knowing that perfection is not a prerequisite. Life is complicated enough as it is.
XOXO
I have definitely had to let go in some things regarding what they wear, also. It's just not worth fighting about. I bought a couple of those really cute outfits for K with ruffles on the bottom of the pants, etc and she was NOT having it. I should have known back when she was a baby and pulling EVERY own out of her hair that those clothes would not be her thing either. LOL!
Perfect is boring. I would much rather see backwards socks and stripes in all directions than the perfectly matched outfit which screams 'my Mum dressed me'. Kids with personality is what we should be encouraging, clean clothes – yes, matched clothes – meh!
The photo of the kids is great, again the personalities shine through, it is always important to check that your belly button is still there!!
I'll admit that I make a secondary meal for my kids, if they ask for it: a hotdog, a peanut butter sandwich, or pasta. Those are the options (and pasta, well, I just make a big batch every weekend & they eat the leftovers through the week), and if they don't want those, or what I've made for myself, they don't eat. They've yet to actually starve themselves.
I've given up on "neat & tidy" and gone for a house motif of "not wallowing in filth." It's no so difficult to maintain this way.
Ohmigosh those pajamas are the cutest things ever!!
I admit to making two family meals often. My kids will only eat carb-loaded things and my body can't seem to handle grains, so I end up making two meals. I hate it and want to get around that someday. :-/
I love that you're letting perfectionism go. I really think the not-so-perfect photos and the not-so-perfect outfits that they picked out themselves are some of the coolest memories to look back on. I mean – that holiday picture there? Looks pretty perfect to me. 🙂
I let the boys pick out the own clothes – even if they only ever want to wear the same clothes every day. One less area for me to stress over!