Elaine writes at The Miss Elaine-ous Life, where she shares “random acts of life, family, and photos”. I’ve been lucky enough to get to know Elaine online, and am really looking forward to meeting her at Blissdom next month. She has three ADORABLE kids and a wonderful marriage to her man (who just ran his first 5K, with her, this weekend!).

She’s bringing back old-school blogging with this post and shared her Day In The Life (with photos). I loved learning more about her with both of them (and still need to do my own 48 questions!). She’s an amazing woman, wife, mother, photographer, friend, blogger, and I’m so happy to share her words here today!

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Breast is Best Unless…

When I got pregnant for the first time I was sort of in shock.  I wanted to be pregnant but I had no idea it would happen the “first” time and so quickly.  I took one look at that white stick with two bright pink lines and freaked out, saying “Oh My God” over and over and over.  I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest as my husband stood across from me smiling from ear to ear and trying to calm me down.

Once the idea of growing a human in my body grew on me a bit (no pun intended) and the thought of said human having to come out of my body (!) set in and I settled down, I acquired many books on pregnancy and babies.   I also kept a journal on my computer of the daily changes in my body and those of baby, which the emails from Baby Center informed me of weekly.  I poured over all the information I could, especially regarding the development and milestones of the little person that I would soon come to know.

One of the things I was most concerned about was how I was going to feed my newborn baby.  I took a breastfeeding class and read at least two books about that subject alone.   So, imagine my disappointment when after several weeks of trying and crying and emotional downfall, I just could not make it work.  No way, no how.

My husband, Tim, sat me down on the couch one night after our newborn son was asleep with a belly full of both my pumped milk and formula and said to me, “Elaine, I know how much you wanted this to work but for your welfare and that of the baby, I think you know what you need to do.”  He was right – on both counts.

I DID want it to work so very badly.  I wanted to snuggle my baby close to my chest while he drank from my breast.  I wanted that connection with him so much that my heart ached down to my very soul.  I wanted to be able to say that I fed him from me, that I was the reason for those chub rolls on his arms and legs and I wanted to bond with him in a way that no other human could.

But I also could not be a total wreck for my baby son ANYMORE.

My son is almost 9 years old now and there are days when I still wish this could have been different for us.  Of course I do not think about it nearly as much as I used to (maybe only when I write a post like this) but it still crosses my mind.  And I do still wish that whatever kept it from working could have been different and that those first few weeks of our time together had not been so clouded by my depression of not being able to feed him in that way.

But the past is the past and my boy is beautiful and healthy and pretty darn perfect if you ask me.

And I hope other mothers know that it is not the end of the world if you cannot make it work, and that you can still bond with your baby and there is no way that you love them less, even if you simply make the choice not to breastfeed from the get-go.

I personally still feel that “breast is best” unless the inability to do so causes anxiety and depression like it did for me.

In the end you have to do what is best for both your baby and YOU.   I so wish I had known that from the beginning…

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