Wondering what Great Expectations is all about? Every Monday night, I ask guest bloggers to tell us about some expectation that they had in life, and what reality actually turned out to be like. You can click that tab up top to see what previous guests have had to say (and there have been some harsh realities).
Julia writes at Wine In Mom. She lives in a tourist town (which is so interesting to me!) with her PRECIOUS little boy and husband. They’ve been living with family for the last few months and are finally able to move into a new home VERY SOON! Yay!!
I would love to hang out with her because she seems like so much fun. Plus, a visit to her town would be like a vacation! Julia has a great (and honest) perspective on new motherhood, and she’s definitely someone you should get to know.
Thanks for visiting, Julia!
I went into my pregnancy knowing the type of mom I wanted to be. I was going to be laid back. I was going to balance motherhood, work and my social life with ease.
I would be stylish and never resort to sweat pants. I was going to be clever and creative and never resort to TV. My child would not eat so-called kid foods.
Yes, before I gave birth I totally had this parenting thing down.
After Jack was born we floated along just fine. The house was clean, the baby slept and I showered.
Then it all started to fall apart.
Day by day, I watched my expectations slowly unravel.
Jack had colic and would cry from dawn till dusk. I barely had time to shower let alone throw on coordinating clothes.
And as for the clothes it didn’t matter, because I was only in them for how long it took Jack to eat and then spit up on me. Laundry was piling up. My dog was eating spit up. My baby was not sleeping. And I was a hot mess.
I distinctly remember a night about a month after Jack was born, when John and I thought we could have friends over.
It was a disaster.
I never ate the food we ordered. Jack spit up, a lot and never managed to fall asleep. I spent most of the evening changing my clothes and apologizing for a cranky baby, when all I wanted to do was lock myself in my bedroom and cry.
After that evening at our house John and I were sure our friends would never have kids. (side note: this couple still hasn’t had kids, I wonder if I’m to blame).
And in those first couple of months of motherhood I learned a lot.
I looked for answers. I lowered my expectations and I took it one day at a time.
And now when I think of all the things I expected from motherhood I laugh and cringe knowing that they were unrealistic.
Some days my son refuses to nap or eat anything but Cheerios.
Some days I don’t put on make-up or blow dry my hair, in fact right now I’m wearing sweat pants and my hair is not done.
I’m not nearly as creative as I thought I was and sometimes we watch too much TV. And the only balance I’ve found is that I can carry a baby, an Iphone, blankie, stuffed animal and a sippy cup up a flight of stairs.
But just because motherhood didn’t live up to my expectations doesn’t mean that it isn’t wonderful.
It’s full of moments that I never expected.
My life is messy and at times haphazard. It’s filled with Cheerios, Mickey Mouse and more toys than one child needs.
It’s filled with giggles and smiles and “thank you Mama’s” that melt my heart.
There are quiet nights at home and early morning trips to the playground.
There is love and there is happiness and these are things that matter.
Because I think it’s the moments that you don’t expect, that make the journey worthwhile.
Get to know Julia on Twitter and her blog, Wine In Mom.
What a wonderful post and so very true. After three kids I can tell you my expectations are very different than what they were when my first child was born!!! 🙂
Julia, I love this! So happy to see you here!! It is funny how we all think we're going to have that balance at the beginningg and find out that we have to keep that balance in check every single day. The most important part of it all is getting those hugs and little kisses…expectations met or not. You're a great mama!!
I love this. Motherhood is full of surprises.
Julia this is so very beautiful! Expectations are tricky things aren't they. I have often learned that the way things worked out was so far from what I expected but so much more wonderful then I have expected. Have also learned that sometimes they also are so much different. It is often those times that are the hardest and that I learn the most from. Your words were beautiful, honest and brave. You shared a part of motherhood that is really really hard and was able to look at it and see all the really great things. It's still so hard isn't it?! Oh and dog eating spit up…. akkkk!
So many of us can relate!! One thing I think of often: We moved down south after we got married. My sister and her 2 girls came to visit (4 & 1). I came home from work to find bottles all over the counter, messes from their play, etc. Plus, the NOISE! I remember complaining to my mother 'We are QUIET people. I can't stand this mess and their NOISE!!' omg. So here I am today with 2 year old twin boys and a 3.5 yo boy. You think I have messes and noise? LOL!!!!! You bet your sweet behind I do.
I think that we all have certain expectations when we're pregnant and then after we have the baby reality sets in and find that keeping those expectations is really hard.
I find that taking things one day at a time is the best that I can do! With 4 kids anything more can be challenging.
Being a mother is nothing you can prepare for. I do remember when I first had an infant thinking that doing to the cleaners down the street — was overwhelming. But gradually we all get our sea legs. (Somewhat). That infant is now 19 and still rocks my expectations. Now I try to roll with the changes a little better.
I love this post.
While every mothering experience is totally different than the next, we all have those moments when we sit back and say "I did not expect this"
Oh, man. Colic is so hard. There really ought to be support groups. I'm totally serious. Maybe I'll start one. New parenthood makes you feel so alienated anyway. With a screaming baby and rampant hormones on top of that?! I really didn't think I'd survive. Thankfully we all did.
And the nice little footnote is, mine is such a chilled out kid now. I've heard many parents say the same of their formerly colicky children.
You can carry that many things at once too? We are SO talented!!
I learned quickly that it is not all what we expected. Try in the delivery room…. 😉
xo