Amanda writes at Lilahbility, about motherhood and her gorgeous daughter. But. BUT! Child number two is due any day now! That makes my done-having-kids self giddy. I can’t WAIT to hear all about the newest precious bundle of newborn-ness. But for now, I’m enjoying a trip down memory lane with her oldest girl.
Amanda is just a sweet, lovely person to chat with in the blogging world, and I love reading her posts. She’s funny, she’s Canadian, she’s honest. One of her favorite (or favourite, eh) posts she wrote is this one, and it’s Laugh Out Loud TRUE.
Check out Lilahbility and connect with Amanda, after you read about her expectations and give her some love.
Thanks for being here, Amanda!
I expected to be better at this.
We all think we know what kind of parents we’ll be before we actually have kids. Before I had Lilah, I had been working with kids for five years. I was well aware that motherhood would be a whole different ballgame and much harder than working with kids in a professional capacity, but I really thought I had a leg up; that I was starting from a position of privilege and inside knowledge. I knew more about what made kids tick than your average person, I’d had all kinds of courses in child development and psychology, and I had a million tricks up my sleeve for getting them to do my bidding.
I was cocky. “Newborns scare me a bit,” I’d say, “But toddlers and preschoolers I can totally handle.” As a speech therapist, I work mainly with the two to five set. Which means I spend my day tricking and bribing young children into making silly sounds or using new words. They have fun, their parents learn how to work with them at home, and if I do my job well, everyone goes home feeling great about themselves. Yay, me!
Turns out I made some fatal errors in my reasoning on how this would translate to parenthood. First of all, to the kids on my caseload, I’m “that-nice-lady-I-play-with-
Secondly, other people’s kids don’t have the power to make me as crazy as my own kid does. Even if they are being total hellions, I know that I only have to deal with them for a short time before I can send them packing. It’s a lot easier to be patient with a child when your time with them can be counted in mere minutes. When your own kid is driving you nuts and you still have a whole day stretched out ahead of you… well, we’ve all been there.
Not even three weeks ago, Lilah officially graduated from “toddler” to “preschooler”, and with her new found threedom came all sorts of new challenges. From both my schooling and my experience with kids, I know that three is a time of high frustration, when the desire for independence clashes with still-limited abilities and tantrums are usually at their peak. And yet the changes in my child’s behaviour that came seemingly overnight still came as a total shock to me. All of a sudden, I was the one seeking out the type of advice I dish out to parents on an almost daily basis.
No matter what your area of expertise or your experience, the fact of the matter is that sometimes, when it comes to your own kid(s), you just cannot see the forest for the trees. I’d be willing to bet my Master’s degree in Speech-Language Pathology (sounds kinda fancy, right?) that even the experts whose parenting books I just spent a fortune on in Chapters have had those moments of utter cluelessness as to what to do next; that they’ve allowed their buttons to be pushed; that they haven’t always been entirely consistent; that they’ve snapped and then regretted it.
So yeah, I expected to be better at this. But maybe it’s time to put the expectations aside and recognize that I am doing the best I can with what I have and what I am able to give at any particular moment. Just like anyone else.
Aren’t they adorable?! Follow along with Lilahbility on Twitter (and @lilahbility on Instagram in the hopes of some newborn sweetness soon!).
Great post. I don't think any of us can be truly prepared for the ups and downs of parenting. The challenges change as the kids get older. My youngest is almost 4 and she is still in her terrible 3's ( I don't call it the terrible 2's)!!! I love your last sentiment, it's something my hubby says all the time… we do what we can with what we have!!!
I keep hearing that two is "three with intent." So far, SO true!
Hee hee… I have had the opposite happen in someways. I assumed I'd be terrible given my most recent babysitting stint occured about 25 years before Theo arrived in my life. I have been surprised that I can do this parenting thing. THAT said, I have dropped a lot of expectations around eating, sleeping, TV viewing, behaviour and well all that little stuff. LOL.
Haha, yeah. Minor details. 😉
Great post Amanda. I always love reading your words. I definitely had inflated expectations about my abilities with newborns, parenting and sleep with Sarah. I was going to have an excellent sleeper because I was all knowing about Baby Whispering and the EASY method and a whole host of other things I learned by reading copious amounts of sleep books. The sleep gods had the last laugh when I broke all my own rules about rocking and breast feeding to sleep and co-sleeping to save my own sanity and to get her to sleep.
Oh yes, we are all sleep experts and behaviour experts if we read enough books on the topics, right? In the end, it comes down to survival and sanity, especially in those early days.
Thanks again for having me over, Greta! I can now say first hand that I think those sassy pants look grat on you! 😉
Haha, thanks, Amanda! And thanks for sharing with us!
Oh Amanda,
I think it’s very normal those expectations and it sounds you are doing the best you can.
I was very glad to read more about you.
And, Amanda, matches Greta’s introduction even in person! Go and follow this one!
Awww, thanks Nadia! I guess the same can be said for our expectations of our kids and of others. We're all just donig the best we can with what resources we have at any given moment.
I've learned that the only way to meet your own expectations for yourself is to DRASTICALLY lower them. Works for parenting and many, many other things!
Great post, Amanda!!
Easier said than done, but I couldn't agree more, Melissa!
Great, great post. I have learned such a huge lesson about forgiveness since becoming a parent to 3. Specifically, that I have to forgive myself daily for the mistakes I make along the way. Otherwise, I'd just get buried in self-doubt and be hung up on all my short comings. And that wouldn't make for happy days – for any of us.
Hey Amanda,
I so relate. I too had that false sense of confidence built up from speechie experience and have been totally leveled time and again as it has been swept out from under me. From my current blissland of holding my 2 day old in my arms, I feel somehow reborn as a mom, seeing Malcolm with new eyes that have been opened by Lucille. It'll be interesting to see how this adventure as a family of 4 unfolds. I like what the previous commenter said about forgiveness. That's helped me along the way, when I've had grace enough for myself to extend it. All the best to you, Amanda. And grace for the times that are less-than-best 🙂