I was so stoked when Greta invited me to guest post in herbloggy space for Great Expectations! When I met her on Twitter, I knew I’dfound a kindred spirit. Besides having a similar sense of humor, we also bothhave 4 kids whom are very close in age. Usually, the world looks at me like I’moff my nut when I tell them I have 4 kids between 10 and 6. Any time I meetsomeone else with a houseful of little kids, I know that we’re going to getalong really well. Greta is no exception. We see the world over similarlymassive piles of laundry! Thanks for having me over GFunk!  

One of the most humbling experiences of my life has been thechunk that involves being a military spouse. We’re a reservist family so wedon’t live on base like our active duty counterparts. We don’t have the builtin support system they have because we don’t know the other families in myhusband’s unit. He sees his co-workers on drill weekend, during AnnualTraining, at special schools, and during deployment. As his family (livingalmost 100 miles from where he drills), we don’t ever see those people. Thatdoesn’t mean that we’re totally alone. After 13+ years of service, we’ve gotour own support system built up around the people we know we can count on whenlife gets rough. You can’t choose your family but, you CAN choose your friends!There’s nothing like deployment to show you who really cares for your family.While there have been seasons of life that have been very isolating when itcomes to the military aspect of our family’s little world, we’ve also grown abunch over the years.

Personally, I know I’m far more independent than I would beif my husband wasn’t in the military. I’ve had to lighten up a TON. I used tobe far more particular about things than I am now. Learning to wrangle 4 kidsSOLO will chill you out quicker than any amount of therapy. You learn what’simportant and what isn’t. You throw things on the back burner because therearen’t enough hands to juggle it all. I’ve learned to prioritize things muchmore efficiently than I ever did before my life as a military spouse. I’velearned that things don’t always have to go according to my own plans… and thatsome of the most memorable moments happen when we “have to punt” because a daygoes awry.

Emotionally, I’ve had a buck up too. Not in a “suck it upbuttercup” kind of way. (PS, I seriously HATE that expression.) But in a “OK,and now we’ll deal with reality” kind of way. My husband is my best friend.When he’s home, he carries just as much of theparenting/disciplining/kid-wrangling as I do. He’s also really handy. Whenstuff breaks, it doesn’t matter what it is, he fixes it. That’s not a skill Ipossessed before we went through our first deployment. When he’s away, I reallymiss him terribly. Maybe that sounds sappy to some people… I’ve had other womentell me that they wish they could shop their husbands away for a few months ata time… but, I don’t really care. We’re a close knit family. We’ve lived faraway from our parents and siblings for our entire marriage. We’ve always hadeach other’s back. That means, when he’s gone… The Cheese Stands Alone. AndI’ve had to learn to deal with being alone. A lot! That was a tricky lessonbut, at this point, I actually really LIKE the time alone I get. I don’t always“look forward to it” since it usually involves Hubs being on another continentand the kids having some pretty major meltdowns after Day #3 but, I’ve foundaway to enjoy whatever amount of time I get to be “just me”.

Spiritually, it’s been one great big lesson in how life isNOT about me. It’s really easy to get a very self-centered view of life, atleast for me it is. I prefer comfort over discomfort. It’s easy to say that Ihate deployment because it’s a largely thankless job, most people totally don’tunderstand our experience, and it’s HARD. However, I’ve found that the momentsof my life where I’m not in control are the ones that teach me the mostvaluable lessons. We go through the separations and all of the hard stuff as aservice to our country. We don’t do it to get a flashy acknowledgement. We doit so that others don’t have to. We do it because it’s RIGHT. We send oursoldier away with big hugs and kisses so that another family’s soldier can comehome to their family. We loan him out to foreign countries where there isunrest/danger or because they need aid because all people deserve to be safeand free and ought to have clean drinking water and medical facilities. Thosethings all matter. They matter a LOT. And they’re all more important than myown desire to not sleep alone, cut the grass alone, grocery shop with 4 kids intow, or have my husband around for every birthday and anniversary.

Service is a humbling experience. I feel like it cuts loud partsof my heart that scream “ME!” out of the picture. It’s non-optional. It puts mein a position where I have to do the work, it doesn’t matter if I don’t feellike doing it. I’ve come to a place where I’m more than OK to do that. I likebeing able to serve others. And frankly, the moments that I’m thinking ofothers more than myself, are the SANEST moments of my life. If you’d told methat I’d feel that way about being a military wife with 4 kids, before we gotmarried, I would’ve thought you were being patriotically patronizing. It’samazing how tough circumstances can become the greatest moments of your lifeand teach you the most valuable lessons about what is truly important sounexpectedly.